Thursday, August 20, 2009

its the end of the world as we know it

bring on 2012, there's no hope for us.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


when i was a youngster i used to be an avid "clue" enthusiast. miss scarlet, in the dining room, with the candlestick. bam! a born natural, a young, brown haired modern-day matlock one might say. anyways, i played clue with a friend via email today, although he asked me to guess what the most common way to commit homicide in new york city was. i guessed a black guy, in brooklyn, with a gun...

matlock would be proud...

this guy, not so much...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

goodbye facebook

i'll admit, the thoughts of everybody missing me did occur, but you'll have to do better than convincing me my roommates and an alum (who is supposed to miss "wakin' up at 10 and doin' it again") would actually be the ones who missed me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

sgt. grant kevin

Sgt. Grant Kevin finally got back to me, enjoy.


Dear Bud,

This is to confirm the reciept of your details as sent and i hope you will be honest to me as this is my only hope after surviving from the war zone .

Do not be worry as i have the pin code to open the digital locked after you recieve it .

I will meet you in person and compesate you with good percentage of the money.and pls keep this confidential as i do not want to expose this transaction for security reasons.

I shall forward your details to the security company and they will in turn contact you for their delivery status without any delay..

Do kindly alert me once the company contact you.

I wait to read from you.

Sgt Grant K.


i was then contacted by some cheesy-fake-malaysian company. i didn't feel like playing cat and mouse with them too (even though its safe to assume its the same person sending both emails). i replied:


Sgt. Grant K,

I am concerned about the company that just contacted me. They seem to be based out of Malaysia? Getting International Parties involved makes me a bit nervous - can you reassure me before pursuing any further? I am afraid of the Domino Effect Laws our country put into effect shortly after Vietnam. Dealing with Southern Asian parties seems to be a bit risky! Maybe we could figure out a way to keep this between you and I?

A wise Irish man with the surname McNulty once told me, "The field mouse runs fast, but the barn owl sees at night."

Think about it.

- Bud


more to come soon...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

i wish i didn't have this much time on my hands...

so what happens when an internet scam artist contacts a bored individual stuck @home post knee-surgery? *sigh* this guy has no idea who he is fucking with...

EMAIL # 1:

Dear Sir,

My name is Grant Kevin, I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military with the 1st Armored Division in Iraq , as you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs.We managed to move part of funds belonging to Saddam Hussein's family in 2003.

The total amount is US$7 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills,this money has been kept somewhere outside Baghdad for some time but with the proposed troop in increase by president Barrack Obama, to end the suicide bombing and make peace with Iraq militant and terrorist ,we are afraid that the money may be discovered hence we want to move this money to you for safekeeping pending the completion of our assignment here.

READ THIS WEBSITE VERY WELL AND GET BACK TO ME. We are ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds, No strings attached, Iraq is a war zone, we plan on using diplomatic means to ship the money out as military cargo to your home, under diplomatic immunity cover.

I am contacting you in confidence, all arrangement for the successful delivery has been put in place, all we need from you is to receive the cargo from the diplomat, If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest.

Regards ,
Sgt. Grant . k



Sgt. Grant,

You can trust me. Let's make some of that Internet monies.

Please let me know what I need to do.



Dear Sir,

Thanx for your kind respond to my mail, and this is not an internet monies as a point of correction,but this is real cash we manage to booted out of Iraq with the effort of the security company and kept in one of the nieghbouring country as you can read from the BBC SITE.

It is my sincere hope that you will give my proposal a serious and consider its immense benefits to both of us if we were able to successfully complete it together and do not take this as a joke neither a prank,but its life reality. As you are willing and ready to assist me, I will need your full details as follows:

1) Full names
2) Age Occupation
3) Residential adress
4) Telephone and fax

pon receipt of the above, I will forward same to the Security and Finance firm where the funds are deposited. They will in turn contact you with modalities of claim.

Based upon agreement reached between me and the Security and Finance firm, a Power of Attorney and Letter of introduction will be made available by me recognizing you as my partner once your particulars are received by the Security and Finance firm.

That is, prior to the Security and Finance firm releasing the funds to you.

PS : This transaction is strictly between you and me as the real contents of the box was never disclosed or declared to the Security and Finance firm. On the declaration form, I declared its contents as family treasures.

This box is sealed and locked with an electronic combination digital lock. Do not be surprised if the Security and Finance firm refers to the consignment as personal effect or family treasure during communications with you.

My prayer at this point is to be able to come out of Iraq alive and meet you in person. Eyes can never explain what we are going through here in Iraq. A minute is a year here as anything can happen. I can only hope that you will be honest to me.

I wait to recieve your details

Yours Sincerely,
Sgt Grant K.



I am ready to assist you and have provided my information below:

1. Bud Shuster
2. 22 years old - Union Contracted Plumber
3. 228 South Atherton, State College, PA 16801
4. Phone: 212-660-2245 - I do not own a fax machine

Although, how am I going to unlock the treasure if there is an electronic combination digital lock? How will I find the code? Do you know it? Or is it still locked from Sadam's safe?

My cousin is a locksmith and I'm sure the two of us could crack it if you don't know the code. Can you tell me what the lock looks like?

Talk to you soon,


P.S. - I hope all is well in Iraq and you make it out soon. I read in the newspaper today that you guys are getting out of there by June 30th. When you get back to the States we will have to throw a big party with all of this money. $7 million could buy us 116,000 kegs of beer and a lot of cocaine (I did a little math). What a way to celebrate your return!


i'm still awaiting his reply, and for the record that's not my phone number - it's the rejection hotline. hopefully this dude learns a valuable lesson - you can't hustle a hustler.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

5 people that should not be on twitter

i think i've come to like the simplicity of twitter over the cluttered, newly rebranded design facebook has bought in to. i also dislike how facebook now allows any user - versus the past of only allowing those with a college education to join (this should be a prerequisite for most social networking sites). although, twitter has no boundaries and because of this, i have made a list of 5 people who should NOT be allowed on twitter...

5. Barack Obama

why on earth does the most powerful man in the world need a twitter? even so, i expected to read some pretty badass tweets about negotiating with enemies or straight up kicking their asses. instead, this twitter page is like a live stream of c-span.

"The President will deliver remarks on new auto emission and efficiency standards at 12:15 ET. Watch the live stream:"

who gives a shit? and to think - some asshole is getting paid with our tax dollars to tweet this baloney (bologna?).

4. Oprah

"Why I LOVED today's show: puppies get saved. Prisoners get healed. Soldiers get helped. Full circle blessing. Thanks for watching."

we get it oprah, you're awesome. as if you're magazine, television show, and books aren't enough - we don't need to read about your self-proclaimed miracles on twitter.

3. Ellen

My outdoor show is today! Only watch it if you wanna see:No Doubt perform their greatest hits, George Lopez get bleeped & lots of ice cream!"

no, no, and no thanks. ellen's cheesy sense of humor does nothing but scare me. she come's off as a happy-go-lucky-closet-jeffery-daumert (the serial killer). i can't believe they gave her a tv show, let alone a twitter page.

2. Dave Matthews

"It's crowded in here. Not really. Lotsa room. I've been drawing drawing drawing drawing. What about you?I am a rabbit/donkey/monkey/man."

if you thought his song lyrics were deep, his tweets are even deeper.

1. Paris Hilton

"At my party at Club VIP! So amaazinggggg!!!! Huuuugeee"

Laying out by the pool at Hotel Du Cap. Its so beautiful out! Loves it! Huge!"

i could go on forever about how dumb this broad is, but i will leave that up to your own personal judgement:

the missing link

so if you haven't heard, a fossil named "ida" has been found and is apparently considered to be the missing link between apes and humans. this gap in evolution is what has caused much controversy in darwinism - so this is a scientist's dream.

check out 'ida' here

of course, california-based company, google, had to demonstrate their liberal free thinking ways by changing their header to display the news.

and to think, i thought the missing link had been living among us this entire time...

although, i guess i can't knock on gore too hard - if it weren't for him, this blog would cease to exist! afterall, he did invent the internet, er, didn't he?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

why you should come visit me

if you think i like having visitors, i think visitors like having me.

in fact, rachel sent me this e-card after visiting me this weekend.

any other takers? i'm here for two more weeks!

Monday, May 18, 2009

in the news today

indian boy says pet fish swam into his urethra (click to read)

one thing i know, is that i won't be trying to fit my pet fish into my penis anytime soon...

that must have been one giant horse-cop!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

the newspaper

the best thing about growing up in a small western pennsyltucky town is the newspaper - not filled with news, but "stuff." the best part and really only part i read is the police roundup, which is comprised of detailed descriptions of the previous day's crimes and police dispatches. apparently, there was a pretty serious incident involving two senior citizens and a scooter...

the political cartoons are awesome too - aimed at people over 60 and long time democrats. since a close friend of mine is a veteran, i thought he might like this one...

zach always told me he had aids, but gave it to someone else. thank god he's alright!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


so we've all seen (scene) lsd inspired art, heard marijuana influenced music, etc. etc., but what about prescription pain killers? i've gone out of my way to make sure this classification of drug wasn't left in the dark. the following paint picture was completely influenced by the highly addictive, yet fun loving, happy-go-lucky drug, percaset. (i just had knee surgery, leave me alone). it is a visual representation of myself, john, and zach slaying castles in super mario world.

Monday, May 11, 2009


water in our oceans is one of the oldest things on our planet - created with it 4.7 billion years ago. so, if water is either in it's liquid form, gaseous form (condensation in the atmosphere), or ice (snow, glaciers), is it safe to say we are drinking a liquid that is 4.7 billion years old?

i cannot stop thinking about this. there is no way you can carbon date water, so there is absolutely no way to tell the age of the water you're drinking. sure, water can be contaminated and shit like that, but even so it can still be purified and therefore it's age doesn't change.

the one thing that may contest to this argument is the fact that new water can be created everyday by oxygen combining with the smaller amounts of hydrogen our planet emits through decay, etc. so i wonder how much this contributes to the total amount of water on earth? even so - can water be destroyed? it can evaporate, but that case it's only changing state. how fucking old is the glass of water i'm drinking right now? i NEED to know.

this is mind boggling, isn't it?

Friday, May 8, 2009


usually i won't post things like this, but i saw this shot last night and couldn't believe it...

lebron is unstoppable...

dude of the week

i have decided that once a week i will pick a sweet dude and dedicate him my 'dude of the week.' this week's dude is the maintenance man that works for our landlord.

this picture is compliment of the megan's law website, in which our sweet dude here is listed as a registered sex offender. involuntary deviate sexual intercourse? who can blame him? we've all been tempted to fool around with 10 year olds.

if there is anybody i trust more with a key to every door in our house, it's this guy. there is nothing better than coming home to find his truck in our driveway and him in the house.

he's here! pucker up your butthole!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


i see it, don't you?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Creation Story

While Earth was created in 7 days, and dinosaurs escorted man on Noah's Ark, my blog was created in 7 seconds.

It wasn't easy though...