Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Yo Dawg

Yo dawgs, it's been a while. I'm stepping it up and getting into the porn tubes game. So sit back, relax, and try not to think of me while you enjoy yourself.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

its the end of the world as we know it

bring on 2012, there's no hope for us.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


when i was a youngster i used to be an avid "clue" enthusiast. miss scarlet, in the dining room, with the candlestick. bam! a born natural, a young, brown haired modern-day matlock one might say. anyways, i played clue with a friend via email today, although he asked me to guess what the most common way to commit homicide in new york city was. i guessed a black guy, in brooklyn, with a gun...

matlock would be proud...

this guy, not so much...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

goodbye facebook

i'll admit, the thoughts of everybody missing me did occur, but you'll have to do better than convincing me my roommates and an alum (who is supposed to miss "wakin' up at 10 and doin' it again") would actually be the ones who missed me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

sgt. grant kevin

Sgt. Grant Kevin finally got back to me, enjoy.


Dear Bud,

This is to confirm the reciept of your details as sent and i hope you will be honest to me as this is my only hope after surviving from the war zone .

Do not be worry as i have the pin code to open the digital locked after you recieve it .

I will meet you in person and compesate you with good percentage of the money.and pls keep this confidential as i do not want to expose this transaction for security reasons.

I shall forward your details to the security company and they will in turn contact you for their delivery status without any delay..

Do kindly alert me once the company contact you.

I wait to read from you.

Sgt Grant K.


i was then contacted by some cheesy-fake-malaysian company. i didn't feel like playing cat and mouse with them too (even though its safe to assume its the same person sending both emails). i replied:


Sgt. Grant K,

I am concerned about the company that just contacted me. They seem to be based out of Malaysia? Getting International Parties involved makes me a bit nervous - can you reassure me before pursuing any further? I am afraid of the Domino Effect Laws our country put into effect shortly after Vietnam. Dealing with Southern Asian parties seems to be a bit risky! Maybe we could figure out a way to keep this between you and I?

A wise Irish man with the surname McNulty once told me, "The field mouse runs fast, but the barn owl sees at night."

Think about it.

- Bud


more to come soon...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

i wish i didn't have this much time on my hands...

so what happens when an internet scam artist contacts a bored individual stuck @home post knee-surgery? *sigh* this guy has no idea who he is fucking with...

EMAIL # 1:

Dear Sir,

My name is Grant Kevin, I am an American soldier, I am serving in the military with the 1st Armored Division in Iraq , as you know we are being attacked by insurgents everyday and car bombs.We managed to move part of funds belonging to Saddam Hussein's family in 2003.

The total amount is US$7 Million dollars in cash, mostly 100 dollar bills,this money has been kept somewhere outside Baghdad for some time but with the proposed troop in increase by president Barrack Obama, to end the suicide bombing and make peace with Iraq militant and terrorist ,we are afraid that the money may be discovered hence we want to move this money to you for safekeeping pending the completion of our assignment here.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm We are ready to compensate you with good percentage of the funds, No strings attached, Iraq is a war zone, we plan on using diplomatic means to ship the money out as military cargo to your home, under diplomatic immunity cover.

I am contacting you in confidence, all arrangement for the successful delivery has been put in place, all we need from you is to receive the cargo from the diplomat, If you are interested I will send you the full details, my job is to find a good partner that we can trust and that will assist us. Can I trust you? When you receive this letter, kindly send me an e-mail signifying your interest.

Regards ,
Sgt. Grant . k



Sgt. Grant,

You can trust me. Let's make some of that Internet monies.

Please let me know what I need to do.



Dear Sir,

Thanx for your kind respond to my mail, and this is not an internet monies as a point of correction,but this is real cash we manage to booted out of Iraq with the effort of the security company and kept in one of the nieghbouring country as you can read from the BBC SITE.

It is my sincere hope that you will give my proposal a serious and consider its immense benefits to both of us if we were able to successfully complete it together and do not take this as a joke neither a prank,but its life reality. As you are willing and ready to assist me, I will need your full details as follows:

1) Full names
2) Age Occupation
3) Residential adress
4) Telephone and fax

pon receipt of the above, I will forward same to the Security and Finance firm where the funds are deposited. They will in turn contact you with modalities of claim.

Based upon agreement reached between me and the Security and Finance firm, a Power of Attorney and Letter of introduction will be made available by me recognizing you as my partner once your particulars are received by the Security and Finance firm.

That is, prior to the Security and Finance firm releasing the funds to you.

PS : This transaction is strictly between you and me as the real contents of the box was never disclosed or declared to the Security and Finance firm. On the declaration form, I declared its contents as family treasures.

This box is sealed and locked with an electronic combination digital lock. Do not be surprised if the Security and Finance firm refers to the consignment as personal effect or family treasure during communications with you.

My prayer at this point is to be able to come out of Iraq alive and meet you in person. Eyes can never explain what we are going through here in Iraq. A minute is a year here as anything can happen. I can only hope that you will be honest to me.

I wait to recieve your details

Yours Sincerely,
Sgt Grant K.



I am ready to assist you and have provided my information below:

1. Bud Shuster
2. 22 years old - Union Contracted Plumber
3. 228 South Atherton, State College, PA 16801
4. Phone: 212-660-2245 - I do not own a fax machine

Although, how am I going to unlock the treasure if there is an electronic combination digital lock? How will I find the code? Do you know it? Or is it still locked from Sadam's safe?

My cousin is a locksmith and I'm sure the two of us could crack it if you don't know the code. Can you tell me what the lock looks like?

Talk to you soon,


P.S. - I hope all is well in Iraq and you make it out soon. I read in the newspaper today that you guys are getting out of there by June 30th. When you get back to the States we will have to throw a big party with all of this money. $7 million could buy us 116,000 kegs of beer and a lot of cocaine (I did a little math). What a way to celebrate your return!


i'm still awaiting his reply, and for the record that's not my phone number - it's the rejection hotline. hopefully this dude learns a valuable lesson - you can't hustle a hustler.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009