Wednesday, May 20, 2009

5 people that should not be on twitter

i think i've come to like the simplicity of twitter over the cluttered, newly rebranded design facebook has bought in to. i also dislike how facebook now allows any user - versus the past of only allowing those with a college education to join (this should be a prerequisite for most social networking sites). although, twitter has no boundaries and because of this, i have made a list of 5 people who should NOT be allowed on twitter...

5. Barack Obama

why on earth does the most powerful man in the world need a twitter? even so, i expected to read some pretty badass tweets about negotiating with enemies or straight up kicking their asses. instead, this twitter page is like a live stream of c-span.

"The President will deliver remarks on new auto emission and efficiency standards at 12:15 ET. Watch the live stream:"

who gives a shit? and to think - some asshole is getting paid with our tax dollars to tweet this baloney (bologna?).

4. Oprah

"Why I LOVED today's show: puppies get saved. Prisoners get healed. Soldiers get helped. Full circle blessing. Thanks for watching."

we get it oprah, you're awesome. as if you're magazine, television show, and books aren't enough - we don't need to read about your self-proclaimed miracles on twitter.

3. Ellen

My outdoor show is today! Only watch it if you wanna see:No Doubt perform their greatest hits, George Lopez get bleeped & lots of ice cream!"

no, no, and no thanks. ellen's cheesy sense of humor does nothing but scare me. she come's off as a happy-go-lucky-closet-jeffery-daumert (the serial killer). i can't believe they gave her a tv show, let alone a twitter page.

2. Dave Matthews

"It's crowded in here. Not really. Lotsa room. I've been drawing drawing drawing drawing. What about you?I am a rabbit/donkey/monkey/man."

if you thought his song lyrics were deep, his tweets are even deeper.

1. Paris Hilton

"At my party at Club VIP! So amaazinggggg!!!! Huuuugeee"

Laying out by the pool at Hotel Du Cap. Its so beautiful out! Loves it! Huge!"

i could go on forever about how dumb this broad is, but i will leave that up to your own personal judgement:

the missing link

so if you haven't heard, a fossil named "ida" has been found and is apparently considered to be the missing link between apes and humans. this gap in evolution is what has caused much controversy in darwinism - so this is a scientist's dream.

check out 'ida' here

of course, california-based company, google, had to demonstrate their liberal free thinking ways by changing their header to display the news.

and to think, i thought the missing link had been living among us this entire time...

although, i guess i can't knock on gore too hard - if it weren't for him, this blog would cease to exist! afterall, he did invent the internet, er, didn't he?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

why you should come visit me

if you think i like having visitors, i think visitors like having me.

in fact, rachel sent me this e-card after visiting me this weekend.

any other takers? i'm here for two more weeks!

Monday, May 18, 2009

in the news today

indian boy says pet fish swam into his urethra (click to read)

one thing i know, is that i won't be trying to fit my pet fish into my penis anytime soon...

that must have been one giant horse-cop!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

the newspaper

the best thing about growing up in a small western pennsyltucky town is the newspaper - not filled with news, but "stuff." the best part and really only part i read is the police roundup, which is comprised of detailed descriptions of the previous day's crimes and police dispatches. apparently, there was a pretty serious incident involving two senior citizens and a scooter...

the political cartoons are awesome too - aimed at people over 60 and long time democrats. since a close friend of mine is a veteran, i thought he might like this one...

zach always told me he had aids, but gave it to someone else. thank god he's alright!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


so we've all seen (scene) lsd inspired art, heard marijuana influenced music, etc. etc., but what about prescription pain killers? i've gone out of my way to make sure this classification of drug wasn't left in the dark. the following paint picture was completely influenced by the highly addictive, yet fun loving, happy-go-lucky drug, percaset. (i just had knee surgery, leave me alone). it is a visual representation of myself, john, and zach slaying castles in super mario world.

Monday, May 11, 2009


water in our oceans is one of the oldest things on our planet - created with it 4.7 billion years ago. so, if water is either in it's liquid form, gaseous form (condensation in the atmosphere), or ice (snow, glaciers), is it safe to say we are drinking a liquid that is 4.7 billion years old?

i cannot stop thinking about this. there is no way you can carbon date water, so there is absolutely no way to tell the age of the water you're drinking. sure, water can be contaminated and shit like that, but even so it can still be purified and therefore it's age doesn't change.

the one thing that may contest to this argument is the fact that new water can be created everyday by oxygen combining with the smaller amounts of hydrogen our planet emits through decay, etc. so i wonder how much this contributes to the total amount of water on earth? even so - can water be destroyed? it can evaporate, but that case it's only changing state. how fucking old is the glass of water i'm drinking right now? i NEED to know.

this is mind boggling, isn't it?

Friday, May 8, 2009


usually i won't post things like this, but i saw this shot last night and couldn't believe it...

lebron is unstoppable...

dude of the week

i have decided that once a week i will pick a sweet dude and dedicate him my 'dude of the week.' this week's dude is the maintenance man that works for our landlord.

this picture is compliment of the megan's law website, in which our sweet dude here is listed as a registered sex offender. involuntary deviate sexual intercourse? who can blame him? we've all been tempted to fool around with 10 year olds.

if there is anybody i trust more with a key to every door in our house, it's this guy. there is nothing better than coming home to find his truck in our driveway and him in the house.

he's here! pucker up your butthole!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


i see it, don't you?

Monday, May 4, 2009

Creation Story

While Earth was created in 7 days, and dinosaurs escorted man on Noah's Ark, my blog was created in 7 seconds.

It wasn't easy though...